To That Place, Ultimately...

it happened!

2012-02-16T00:27:00.004+08:00

The consultation came much earlier than expected. Wrote to Christopher to arrange for a consultation and the next available date that I can make it is on the 29th Feb. A little far but fortunately/unfortunately 2 slots came available this evening. Contemplated and grabbed the 5pm slot bcos I really need to start training for beep test very soon. Went back home to grab my gears and rushed back to office. When I saw him at 5pm, I managed to be my usual self though happy inside. Did my test and he explained to me in detailed. We can click, spoke and laughed so much during the 1 hr session. This feeling is good, it is like finding someone whom I can just talk very comfortably with.

When keying in the particulars, he went:
He, "oh, today is 15th Feb, how was your valentine yesterday?"
Me, "nothing on, nobody wants me, how?"
He, "nobody wants? say until so cham!"
Me, "ya lor. haha, how about you?"
He, "i played soccer ystd."
Me, "not too bad what, u have 10 other guys with you!"
He, "oh yea, all GUYS! *laughs"

Through out the test, he was so gentle and nice. Its ok even if he does this to every other participants! Recalling what we spoke on, it was quite diverse... After the entire session, we took some time to talk about random things. Hockey. Our age. Shanghai. P&G/Work, My test results. Shoe bag. The first session, where was I seated. Analysing my injury. Where we stay. Dont think theres more but already quite a bit for an hour plus test. I am like a hua chi. hahahaha

sag women?

2012-02-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

*cough cough*

Sagittarius(November 22-December 21)

"Sagwomen tend to break more hearts than any because they won't hesitate to run outthe door," says Lynch. She describes women born under the centaur asfreedom-loving types who often having problems with commitment. You'll mostlikely stay single until you can find an adventurous guy who gives you plentyof space to travel, explore and try new things.

Not true for the first line, I don’t break hearts! Haha. Apartfrom the heart breaking, all are true. I am a typical sagi woman…

gotta do what i wanna do

2012-02-15T01:32:00.004+08:00

glad that i have my consultants around whenever i need them.

i dont wanna be nice to others but feel miserable inside, thats not what i want for myself. yes, i may think too much but its better than not thinking at all. i rather prevent things from happening than to pick up the pieces after it has happened. i am selfish but i think now is the best time i can be this selfish bcos i need to love myself more. giving up what i am currently having is not my intention at all. i dont wanna make a change too drastic. is resuming the playful me one of the option?

i just wanna work hard enough for my career now. i wanna have sufficient ME time. i wanna hang out with all my friends. i wanna play competitive sports again. i wanna do a lot more traveling whenever i want to.

dating someone who is too different from myself is stressful. not giving the false hope is the best when i know what i already wanted. most of the time, im always opting for the impossible or rather, unrealistic.

argh

2012-02-14T16:14:00.001+08:00

The most difficult task I have faced here is getting alignmentfor a change in process. It is such a killer. Across functions, there are somany inflexible people! Whenever I talk to them, I feel like slaughtering them.Even colleagues say that I am very nice to all partners but when it comes tothat two person, my temper will go out of control. Thank god that I am notPMS-ing. Such a dread and coming here for 6 months, we have implemented so muchchanges, and those changes need to be documented for the next successor. There isso much to be done apart from giving training. Yukari just informed me thatanother two projects are coming and are most probably going to be accelerated timeline.Everything seems urgent and prioritizing doesn’t help much seriously. Luckily Idon’t have much commitment outside of work.

Got to OT like mad before I head to Shanghai for the welldeserved holiday!

colleagues

2012-02-13T10:54:00.001+08:00

It is nice having good colleague around. I realized I have alot of foreign colleagues on my facebook already. They have somehow “modified”my mindset over the last 4 years. The way the lead their life and the way theyapproach life in such a fun loving way. This is good for me having them aroundand being brought up in a Chinese family. I combine the both together and I guessmy mindset is different from the typical locals. Being very carefree andlearning how to plan in the long run, at the same time giving my family theattention they require from me.

Klaus came to me in the morning and we spoke like friends. Heis very experienced in PS&RA and he doesn’t carry any air, good to workwith him. Every question I posted to him, he will have the answer for me withsupportive claims and if he doesn’t, he always points me to the right person. Apity that he would only be here for 6 months to help stablise the RBU PS&RAbefore heading back to Germany. Would love to have lunch with him before heleaves in end March.

simple yet happy sunday

2012-02-13T02:39:00.001+08:00

Woke up to prepare for Shu Lei's wedding lunch at Mandarin Orchard- Grand Ballrrom. Met a lot of hockey seniors, Mr Gomez and god father- Mr Brian! Shu Lei is so pretty, ah goh looks handsome too! After dating for 7 years, they are finally tying the knots!! Teared while watching the short clip of their journey together. It really wasnt an easy road, really happy for them!

On the way home, bumped into Kacy and Yen. Chatted and we spoke so long! Yen is in very good mood today, she gonna lend me her winter wear! Thanks to her, can save a couple of hundreds, gotta buy my boots and pack my luggage soon, 9 more days!! So fast! hehe. Meanwhile, gonna OT like crazy to complete all the work, there is too much to do!! Bikram hot yoga again tomorrow with sister :)

Met the boys for dinner and movie- Viral Factor. It is nice, good storyline and ending. All the hunks in it are too charming!! Cant take my eyes off them. Went home, just chill and ME time. Pretty happy with my life now. friends friends and more friends.

I wouldn't mind a boyfriend now but don't talk to me about marriage. Its not necessary talking to me about this at this point, not for at least the next 2 years...

Ssingles are so emo that they are gonna spend v day alone but what is wrong with spending v day as a single? Being single really has its perks too, that is doing whatever you want without the need to consider someone's feeling. Such as travelling whenever you want, going out with opposite sex without feeling if partner wouldnt feel secured, dont have to get permission for things and etc! so be positive people, enjoy whatever that you are having at this point in life bcos this moment wouldnt be back anymore.

dinner with the Ks

2012-02-12T04:01:00.000+08:00

AND so the dinner happened as planned. Saw someone that looks like a Korean when I got out of the train and was thinking if thats him. Made my way to the newton circus hawker centre and I was the first to reach and found outdoor seats. He reached later bcos he got lost and came to look for me, yea, thats him. The one I saw when exiting the station. The rest came shortly after.

Looks wise, normal, looks like a typical Korean. Tall and his English is understandable. Had dinner with Jaehee and family, his sister, his brother-in-law and him. First time being surrounded by Koreans! haha. I was being myself the whole time, dressed in tee, 3 quarts and pumps with sling pouch. totally not the atas kind of feminine girl they would have imagined me to be. Played a lot with jaehee's son, Isaac, he is so cute, charming and active.

The dinner was kinda ok, conversation was going, his bro-in-law and jaehee's hubby are funny! Dinner ended pretty soon and he left me a text to meet up again. I guess it is a form of formality. Well, a little adaption to do, have no idea how korean culture is like and they are on the richer side. Would be good as friends :)

The 4th J born in 1983, gosh, is this a sign? The whole time I was thinking about eye candy. Havent have a eye candy for a long while! Being the silly one that keep thinking about him knowing nothing will blossom. He is really charming and I am looking forward to the consultation session we are gonna have weeks later. First time we met was during the introduction, I know him but he doesnt know me. Second time, on the way to work, was thinking about him, his shy charming look, unexpectedly he took the same lift as me. Standing just right ahead of me, was checking him out and pretending that i was on my phone. Regretted not making eye contact. Aarghhhhh....

This morning, Timo called and chatted for a bit while getting readied for his interview. Kind of miss talking to him till late in the night, the brother who knows me best and has been there thru the tough times. Nonetheless, as usual, people always go missing when they are attached! haha. I thought this over, if I am attached, I will still allocate a huge portion of my time to my friends. I am who I currently am bcos of my friends who have accompanied me thru this 4 years. I am not giving them up to be someone i havent been closed to.

Thought of Shabbee and gave her a ring. Unknowingly, we spoke for 56 minutes. How much I miss this Ang Moh woman. She is still the same awesome woman I have known 3 years ago. Things are thankfully much better for us now. Not having delayed salaries anymore. I miss her. We are gonna do some fun stuff together, taking up some skiing class, go for Frenchie's play and do some baking with Sweet!

Life is good, its in my hands. I am doing whatever I want with no restrictions. Thats the way I have always wanted my life to be.

Ta for now... need to attend shu lei's wedding lunch in 8hrs........

fine dining?

2012-02-10T15:03:00.001+08:00

Ok. I was in a state of shock, after finding out where we areheading to. Saltgrill at Ion is fine dining and minimum spending per person is$60, average spending is $140 not inclusive of taxes and service charge. That ismad pricing. I am not that kind of high class lady lei. Thank god they are notchild friendly. We changed the dinner venue to Newton center.

Luckily my mindset is only to make friends and expectingnothing much. Handsome, tall, whatever, it is OK. Friends don’t look formaterials like that. The chat was pretty nice, fun and interesting. Siblingswith colleagues, 3 of us from P&G and the guy is brother of my colleague. TheirEnglish is good and quite good jokers. Suddenly, I feel kind of stress to gofor the dinner tomorrow. If its fine dining, I have no issues dressing up butpocket gonna hurt pretty badly. Newton centre, it’s ok, causal and simple.. weshall see but I am going to be myself.

Koreans

2012-02-10T14:23:00.000+08:00

My Korean colleague is match-making me with her friend’sbrother who is also a Korean.

First time getting match-made with a Korean. Interesting.

Lets see how it will turn out uh..

They are really efficient. Took only 2 days in total.

Ystd asked if I am ok to meet new friend, I agreed since I have nothing to lose.

Today she gave my number and now all 4 of us are chatting oncommunicator.

Tomorrow. we are all meeting up tomorrow for dinner and drinks. Very fast….

oh.. and i booked my tickets to Shanghai already! wohooooo.

22nd to 27th Feb, gonna stay with Weina. So happy for her that her music school is opening :)

Cleaning up

2012-02-03T03:39:00.000+08:00

Round one of Facebook friends cleanup done, deleted 140 friends. Decided to remove those I havent really spoken to but seen before "friends". More cleanup to do next month :)

and seen the below video from Denny's fb, really nice song though not very impactful to me.....

2012-02-03T02:10:00.001+08:00

CNY 2012

there are more to come :)

CCCM

2012-02-03T00:41:00.002+08:00

this is the woman im missing most. things changed but the memories are fresh. thanks for changing my life when i was 13 and sorry that we became what we are now....

relieved

2012-02-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

good seeing him attached/soon to be attached now, no more guilt for MIA-ing. and well well, more fun coming up. the whole bunch of Wiley folks wanna join in for our fun speed dating. According to Kam, we will be going for the Atas kind. Learn to cook and get paired up. I want to get that experience, so I am in.

out of singapore

2012-02-01T02:02:00.001+08:00

Lookslike I am back to blogging often again. Too much to be mentioned social media,too many eyes reading. Here is more secluded, more privacy. Sometimes I wishthose who are reading will let me know who they are. I wanna be open about mythoughts but dare not be too open. The risk of spouting the wrong info mightjust get too viral.

i ambored of the routine life in Singapore, can’t wait to get out of here. One fullmonth here and I can’t hold it anymore. Checked out the ticket prices today...might be heading to Penang in Feb. Dive trip in March. April should be familytrip, will skip it if they are heading to HCMC because I just returned from thereless than 3 months ago. May will be the highly anticipated Cambodia trip withbestie. 6 days to complete SR and PP. will be exciting and fun!! SIA air faresare having a discount right now, tempted to get it the Taipei ones but theflying period isn’t very ideal. Got to wait and source for better deals.

unfair or fair

2012-01-30T18:41:00.001+08:00

This kind of uneasiness isn’t easy to appease, sucks badlywhen you aren’t being the prioritized one. Just got to take it in my stride,endurance. Company is fantastic, great colleagues, great culture just the termthat I was hired on sucks. Sucks totally, it feels like you are the third partyin a relationship. No matter how hard you work, you aren’t being recongnised,people don’t know you if they don’t have to know you. Your credits aren’t beingmentioned. Still, I am someone who will not be able to endure unequal treatmentfor long. Pulling and pushing factors both exists, but it is clear that I haveto work even harder for the next 6 months before I decide on anything. Maybe tillthen, things might change again.

4.35am

2012-01-30T04:35:00.000+08:00

at this time, i still cant get to sleep. status for tonight was - i need two months. i gave myself 2 months to figure everything that i need to figure out. my future plans, financial, work, friends, family, myself and etc. its the season to close myself up again. end of those hectic meetups, time to save more money and get out of sg as much as possible. wanna do more dive trips, learn more skills. gonna try dance this week. one of my goals for this year is to take up a fun course and dance is my choice since i have always been quite a block at twisting my body.

the drama im watching knocked pretty much senses into me, trying to digest and apply them to my way of doing things. time to cleanup my friends list again. those i have put in effort and still fail, i dont wanna keep trying in vain. or maybe, friends list wise. i should put it on hold, until i have sorted out all thoughts.

so this 2 months, i am still gonna be status-quo. anything that requires my commitment, i need to think wisely. once im in, im in. shall plan my travels for now. cant wait for all the loans to be cleared, a total of $23,000 school and bank loan gonna be cleared by 2012. i have made it this far and i am not giving up.

a list of achievements and happenings in 2011, time to slow things down on events in 2012. time to turn some invitation down. dont wanna be the "yes" girl anymore, im tired somehow. time to chill at home more often. time to invest in more time in myself, passion and work.

life is good.

hmm

2012-01-27T15:02:00.001+08:00

First team lunch with the marketing peeps, was a good one,more to come to feel a greater sense of belonging.

Boss was teasing if I ever go out for lunch or always eat inand work at the same time. I do hope I am that workaholic, but I can’t keepmyself away from food!

Totally have no mood to work for the remaining week. Been doingall the necessary and keeping the load till next week.

I guess blog is still the only one I can truly speak to. Myrants, the small little things that happened to me and my thoughts, dulyrecorded for 5 years.

After yesterday’s incident, definitely cutting off connectionwith them, it takes two hands to clap so I played a major part too. Nothing isever too late to steer onto the desired direction again.

And if its XX, I wouldn’t know what to do. Double considerationneeded if anything gonna progress. Argh, I want to stay in my comfort zone!!

cny

2012-01-26T11:26:00.000+08:00

Back to work after 5 days of break, feeling refreshedespecially after being “bed-ridden” for 29 hours.

2012 CNY is another special year, full of memories and funthough weird in a way.

Most who gave me red packets wished me to get a boyfriendsoon or get a good husband, the usual thing... Cousin told me that she was married at the ageof 23, that’s my current age and she is now pregnant with her first child! Nothingexactly hit me until the conversation my smallest aunt had with me. I am nolonger that young-young, time to move on and open my enclosed heart to someone.She said, these years, you have always kept your heart close. No one can comein unless you open it. This is kind of true I must admit, after dating so manyguys (2 hands can finish counting la) over the last few years, no one seems “right” because I am not ready togive up anything for them. 2 of them are now engaged, 1 of them found hishappiness and the other- we wish him best of luck. The others- some come andgo, some just cannot make it as a couple and others, can’t commit.

In my life, I pretty much know what I want in most aspectsexcept for this confusing tangling segment. Work, myself, life, fun, friends,family and money; I already have quite a balance. I don’t know if my expectation ishigh or too high but I know I wouldn’t be happy if I compromise my expectation.The expectation is kind of inter-linked. If you meet 2 of them, you are likelyto hit the rest. I have resolved to become the passive party, I don’t want toinitiate anything and just wait for things to happen. Or rather, stay in mycomfort zone. I am stopping all nonsense, not much exactly; hopefully I canstay this way till the right one comes.

So for now……. It’s just family, friends and myself.

I will try to make things work for the next one,I hope… will preserve longer and not going into MIA mode.

New avenue?

2012-01-24T19:33:00.001+08:00

There isnt anywhere where I can burp out those words I don't want tell anyone anymore. Gotta swollen them now.

gotta sum up 2011 next

2012-01-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

oh no... too much happened in the last 2 months!
2012 is here and CNY is just less than a week away, scary.

work has been awesome, relationship with colleagues are good. supportive bosses who are constantly emphasising on personal growth.

got a bad experience last 2 weeks, trauma. lol. got cheated of my feelings :( raised my hopes that high and ruined it completely when reality hits.

i just feel that all my doings in 2011- related to guys, i will have a bad karma. grrrrr. boys = headache. now im keeping to myself. lol. just myself, family and close friends. enough...

one week to the busy period, gonna meetup with many and gamble like mad. life is good!

stuck

2011-11-04T15:14:00.000+08:00

I think I have tried enough over the years, I am sorry tosay, I’m done trying. There is no communication and you don’t express yourthoughts to me. I don’t understand you and every time we meet, it seems sosuperficial. No expectation, just like any average friends now.

Next, I don’t deny that I have fears, in fact a lot offears. I have been good at protecting myself from hurt and tears for years.

But why when I am gonna give it another try, it has to turnout like this. Unpredictable and mind-occuring.

I will go back to my old mentality, ignorant and carefree. Justgonna do whatever that I am happy with.

Other than this, all has been good. Work has beensatisfactory. Friends have been supportive and doting.

Life should be like this I guess, lesser woes with morehappiness.

Yve taught me this, different folk different stroke.

Trying to digest and convert this into methods. Let’s see!

new environment

2011-09-06T10:35:00.002+08:00

The culture here is different from many companies I was with. I have no personal desk and my bosses don’t really care about me. Desks and tables are on a first come first serve basis. The ratio of foreigners to local is about 2:1. I haven’t seen many good looking guys here, not on my level to be fair. Every day I am seated beside different people, Koreans-Japanese-Malaysians-Germans-Indians and etc. There is no spoon feeding here and everyone takes authority in their respective area. You are expected to be pro-active and initiative, you need help you ask. Having said that, the people are nice but not warm, rather individual I got to say. I don’t know how long I can stay this way; waking up earlier, getting dressed, make-up and wearing heels all day. Gents and ladies here are well dressed! Web based trainings for now, mentally tired…

SO ME!!! im a typical sagittarius!

2011-09-02T13:40:00.002+08:00

Sagittarius Strength Keywords:

- Independence

Sagittarius Weakness Keywords:

- Unemotional

Sagittarius and Independence:

Independence is Sagittarius' principle, they crave adventure and excitement and welcome change with open arms. Sagittarius is the sign of the philosopher and the explorer, they will go as far as road will go and explore every corner thoroughly in their ever eternal search for wisdom. Freedom is so important to Sagittarius that they will actually make decisions based on the amount of freedom that is given by the choice they have made, as a result, sometimes a good opportunity is turned down because of it's high commitment need, but this is their choice so it is a good choice for them.

Sagittarius and Friendship:

Sagittarius make excellent friends because of their encouraging, positive nature and their kind heart that will do anything to make sure the friend is happy. They do not expect favors in return, their kindness is selfless. They do not interfere with other people's plans and they are never possessive or jealous. They treat others the way they want to be treated and life life based on a 'live and let live' policy, this makes them so agreeable. Sagittarius are excellent conversationalists with a good sense of humor, sometimes their humor is the raw truth, but these people speak their mind and don't hold anything back. What they say is what they mean, Sagittarius do not like mind games, it holds them back trying to figure out what is meant, they like straightforwardness and expect it in return. Sagittarius are known for saying the 'painful truth', but on the other hand, people know that they can trust what they say because they always say what is real. A Sagittarius never hides anything. Sagittarius are very likeable people. The only people that might not get along with them are people that live by a daily agenda with a highly structured, organized life. They are likely to always be running late and miss a date, but this is only because they are so forward thinking that they forget about the present. Tolerance is required, Sagittarius does not do these things on purpose, this is just who they are. If you understand this and accept this, having a Sagittarius in your life will make the sun shine a lot brighter.

Sagittarius and Business:

Sagittarius are born entertainers and conversationalists. They have no shortage of ideas due to their adventurous lifestyle and exciting life experiences. They make excellent storyteller, comedians, writers, philosophers and actors to name a few, basically Sagittarius are suited to anything as long as it does not tie them down with too much commitment. They like to make the world a better place and a career that will do that is well suited for Sagittarius, they do not however like the fine details and mundane day to day routine this bores them so they tend to procrastinate and let someone else deal with the details. They perform very well in business matters but they are at their best when it is crunch time. If now is the time for all or nothing, and there is a great deal at stake, they can get anything done. Crisis brings out the best in Sagittarius, they perform their best under pressure.

Sagittarius and Temperament:

Sagittarius are not emotional moody people, in fact they can be downright emotionally detached but they do get irritable when they are bored. Sagittarius is optimistic and positive, even deep inside because they believe that no matter what has happened, something good is always around the corner and the sun will always shine again.

Sagittarius Deep Inside:

Sagittarius is a well adjusted person with no emotional problems holding them back. They just want to explore the world and not fret about emotions and feelings. Others may be hurt by their lack of commitment but they don't care, that's not why they are on this planet, they are here to gain wisdom, learn and explore. Sagittarius has problems finishing some projects they started if it takes too long, they want immediate results and will move on to the next project if it takes too long. This is not because of laziness, Sagittarius are far from lazy but this motivation to move on is due to their hatred of boredom. Boredom is their fear and instead of facing it, they will up and leave in search of something more stimulating. Sagittarius are not emotional people but they are easily hurt by a careless selfish action, their will be blue but turn it around pretty quickly with their naturally sunny disposition. They don't dwell on hurt because it is a waste of their energy.

Sagittarius in a Nutshell:

Sagittarius seem to be guided by luck, good things happen to Sagittarius and this is usually because of their optimistic outlook and positive disposition which attracts good fortune. Despite hardships, Sagittarius is always optimistic that good things will happen tomorrow and the future carries good luck. Sagittarius have a vibrant, expansive personality that is free like a bird, Sagittarius cannot be contained. They are full of curiosity and they always look forward to the future, never dwelling on the past. Sagittarius are detached from emotions because emotions hold a person back, they do not like to talk about their feelings, they simply experience them and move on. Sagittarius can be reckless and irresponsible because they will jump at a suggestion of something new before they weigh the advantages and disadvantages.

What it's Like to Date a Sagittarius Woman:

She has a great attitude and always seems to be on the go. Sagittarius woman is for the man with lots of energy and creativity. She likes unconventionality and change, so whisk her away last second to somewhere unplanned and uncharted and she will remember you forever. In order for her to stay, you have to keep her happy. If she gets unhappy or bored, she won't bother to fix any problems, she will just walk out and never look back. Fortunately, it is not that difficult to keep her happy. Be her friend, she does not take love to seriously anyway, if you are her companion, love will blossom after that. Let her have her freedom, flirt with her and take the relationship slowly, do not rush her. Be truthful, genuine, positive and adventurous and never play mind games. The lucky man will not only have a wonderful fun relationship but an adventurous companion as well.

What it's Like to Date a Sagittarius Man:

This man may be difficult to pin down. He loves the trill of the chase so he may be off trying to get other women at the same time you are trying to get him. He is sincere when we says he likes you but he means it to other women when he tells other women the same thing. He is not showy or romantic, and he tends to attract women who like the thrill of the chase themselves, which is not too bad of a gamble. In order to win him over, be modest about love, do not engage him in emotional commitment like conversations about being together in the future. Sagittarius is for the woman who does not want commitment or is afraid of being tied down in a relationship. This man is perfect for the adventurous, fearless female.

How to Attract Sagittarius:

Talk to them, ask them questions about themselves, share stories, make them laugh, but do not pry into intimate details about their life. Keep your emotional distance and they will be attracted to you. Easy. Suggest an outdoor date, something wild and wacky like floating on a boat down the river then having a picnic by the riverside, anything. They love activities. These are the easiest people to get a date with but don;t think that this is written in stone, they are the biggest commitment phoebe of all zodiac signs. Enjoy the time you've spent with Sagittarius and be prepared to move on or at least share them with others because they will be doing the same. All in good fun.

Sagittarius Erogenous Zone:

The thighs are very sensitive, tickle the inner thigh or nibble lightly on the skin. Incorporate thigh stroking into foreplay and you will have ignited their fire.

Sex With Sagittarius:

Sagittarius like to explore, same with their sexual encounters. They are the people most likely to have outdoor sex, or risque sex encounters. They are champions of one-night-stands because it feels good and you don't have to worry about the other person being clingy afterwards! With Sagittarius, anything goes, squeamish and conservative need not apply!

FIRST DAY!

2011-09-01T13:58:00.002+08:00

Hello Bloggie

I am writing a post on my laptop from my new office. New culture here, trying to adapt and blend in. Haven’t spoken much for the entire day, people here are rather quiet and I am trying not to fall asleep. Fighting the Zzz monster after lunch is a pretty tough fight! I miss being the pioneer girl at Wiley, being a new girl is tough, I had lunch alone. The colleagues I am working with are much older than me and a lot of expats here!! Hopefully this dreading period will pass very soon. Need to find my kakis soon…
Need to go on my healthy diet again.. been enjoying too much! All my beers, junks and indulgence.. haha. Expand-contract-expand-contract!

Got to start working on my assignment already, 23 days left!!
Till then… take care

Ivy See
Salon Professional Asia. Marketing. Customer Business Development
Procter & Gamble International Operations SA Singapore Branch. 238A Thomson Road, #20-01/10, Novena Square Tower A, Singapore 307684 DID: (65) 6824 5217 FAX: (65) 6824 6329

FRIDAY COME SOON!

2011-08-24T18:14:00.002+08:00

This is gonna be my last night I’m doing OT in this office and I can’t wait for Friday to come!! It marks my long weekend plus well-deserved break before the commencement of my new role in the new company. Limited time but I am gonna complete my to-do list.

- - Snuggle in my bed with my ice-cream and blanket, watching 2 good films

- - Go to JB on one of the night for supper (LOK-LOK)!

- - Lepak and use the facilities of my friend’s condo for the whole afternoon

- - Play overnight mahjiong

- - Watch midnight movie/s

- - Drink Drink Drink

really sorry

2011-08-22T17:39:00.002+08:00

Guiltiness strikes, the conversation was a painful realization that I didn't treasure the good people around me. I didn't realize how lucky and fortunate I have been. Those who were accommodating and supportive of me, I took them for granted. I didn't try making things better. A bad aftertaste, a bad impression, a bad parting. Did “sorry” came out too easily and too meaningless? How the hell did I ended up in this situation? Where has my discipline gone to? It is all too late, leaving only the last few days. I didn't make good of my words. I am too greedy, too greedy that I want everything. The restructuring should start now, it cannot be pulled off any longer. I cannot be the same, I need to change for the better.

can you come soon?

2011-08-20T22:57:00.002+08:00

I am a retard, I pushed thoughts away for close to 4 years. I keep myself busy so that I do not have to think of what is going on. I tell myself that I am strong and life is good. I want to move on with someone else badly but I can’t seem to adjust myself to others. I tried but I always ended up not trying hard enough. I judged unfairly because your image still lives within me. I want to forget but it gets registered even deeper. I want to avoid but I cannot push wait till it gets too late. I can’t go on living like I need nobody. The night slept beside X at the stay-over brought back a lot of memories. Many images flashed passed. The hugs, the massages, the soft-spoken voice, the touch, the warmth and etc. I really miss the feeling of having someone doting on me. Nonetheless, I know I am the paranoid kind, if someone gets close, I will start analyzing and start spoiling things. The truth is that, I have some words I want to tell him but I don't think it matters anymore. He is very happy and I shouldn't spoil anything. May someone come soon, the new one doesn't come, the old one doesn't go… I will really try my best to work things out if he is the right one…

On the other hand, for __, I guess he is just another passing cloud.

For career wise, change company again. Will be going to P&G to do brand marketing. I am looking very forward because I am finally doing marketing after graduating from marketing for 3 years. On a contractual basis though, renewable. Hopefully the people there are as friendly.

Again?

2011-08-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

Does he call every student? I texted him a simple question because I didn't reply him last night and he called again. I got a shock and he knows it too! Used earpiece and it was so much better this time round. Better conversation. He has a sideline too! Quite a unique one actually.

hmm

2011-08-17T15:15:00.006+08:00

Yes, we did whatsapp 2 sentences and he said will chat when he gets home. so unexpectedly, he called and we chatted before my line got dropped. i couldnt hear him well and he got to repeat through out. mysterious person and let's see whats on his sleeve. Average guy is shy to call and will just continue to whatsapp!! He must be a pro.. haha

Is it here?

2011-08-15T19:18:00.005+08:00

Feeling a little confused. It just happened without me realizing it. Too fast and I sort of wanted it to happen by reciprocating. Though I know the background, I still went ahead, I guess, it's a kind of desire. Strange but let's see what follows.

My best ability is still to pretend nothing has happened.

I can kind of feel his's interest. He has helped me quite a bit and the casual conversation made us so enthusiastic. Asking me to scram off ASAP was funny, 快点做完，就滚蛋! He asked for my photo and i directed him to facebook. very direct person. good. He added me and hmm, he looks quite alright.

And I guess in time to come we will have to meet at least once to discuss more on my assignment.

Work = Marriage?

2011-08-12T11:01:00.001+08:00

There is a link between work and marriage!

Dating --> Temporary staff
BF/GF --> Contract staff
Wedding --> Convert to Permanent staff
Increment --> Allowances
Promotion --> Housing / Cars / Children
Retrenchment --> Divorce with alimony
Quit --> Divorce mutually

So by “left”, everyone who is working is married! Haha. That is why people aren’t getting married or getting married later.

sisters

2011-08-08T16:26:00.001+08:00

Our directions in life might not be in sync right now but everything we have gone through together will always remain in our heart. This relationship I have with every single one of you is what I treasure dearly...

fingers crossed

2011-08-01T16:21:00.000+08:00

I always believe that in life the decisions we make are never classified as right or not but rather, good or bad. I cannot determine if the decisions I have made are all good ones but I can say that I have not regretted on them. They were the best decisions made at that particular point of time.

Recession is coming and I am hoping that I wouldn't be affected by it in P&G!

Resolutions for 2nd half of 2011

2011-07-01T03:18:00.000+08:00

I have decided to do something to change my life to another higher level. I want 2011 to be the best and most memorable year. I can't afford to do things at this pace and wait for things to happen.

June :D

2011-06-27T11:53:00.002+08:00

June is coming to an end, and that concludes the first half of 2011.

It has been an amazing 6 months! I have experienced a lot and trained my guts well. Haha.

Conquered another level and the next step is to maintain it.

A lot of people I have to thank again. For all the help and support they have given to me.

I really do appreciate them, each and every one of them.

I can’t allow myself to be complacent and comfortable at this point of time.

Failure is the consequences of laziness and complacency.

The thing that is still unchanged is my status. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Paranoid, to a certain extend I agree but the biggest thing that is barring me from entering is the commitment part.

I don't know how will I react or rather change if I enter into one.

Let’s wait again, until someone can give me the flexibility to do my stuff and assurances to let go of my fear.

For now, eat sleep breathe SHANGHAI!!

A travelling year this year.. VERY GOOD!

Feburary: Malaysia

March/April: Bangkok

May: Adelaide

August: Cameron Highland

October: Shanghai

December: Ho Chim Minh

End of May already? thats too fast!

2011-05-27T10:02:00.001+08:00

Over-mentioned: Time flies!

Its end of May already! I have came back from my solo-Adelaide trip. It was fun traveling alone and living the lifestyle of my choice J I was absolutely pampered in the 9 days I was there! I wished I could have stayed there for another week or so. Continue making more friends, experiencing more stuff. However, reality always pull me back, I got to come home to handle my work, be responsible and go further in my line of business.

Things have been pretty hectic and interesting thus far. Overall, I’m pretty happy, as usual!

I have also tried to convince myself that I can’t compare two different person but I still failed badly. I don't want to step out of the zone to knowing and get used someone. I have limited time and I want someone to compromise my timings. I feel selfish and that's why I don't want to commit. Commitment in a relationship is something that would be at the top of my priority, from bottom. My top three priorities in the upcoming 3 months would be 3Ds.

1. Degree- last assignment to get it over with L

2. Driving license

3. Directorship

And to achieve my Ds, I need another D, that's discipline!

I’m going to get inked soon. Kind of know what I want already J

To be updated with my good news soon!

Don't lose sight of your dreams

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2011-04-26T01:32:00.000+08:00

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Endure

2011-04-13T18:48:00.001+08:00

Suppressing my frustration...
Process process process
Norming-forming stage...

Patience

Adelaide

2011-03-28T17:36:00.006+08:00

Conference Trip is more or less finalised.

I am glad that Danny fought for me, I am going Adelaide instead of Darwin. Going for a total of 9 days. Went bangkok for 4 days and so many missed me already, how about 9 days? haha.

Day 1: 30th April- Departure 2350 hrs
Day 2: 1st May- Arrival 0810 hrs
Day 3: 2nd May -Setup
Day 4: 3rd May- Conferences
Day 5: 4th May- Conferences
Day 6: 5th May- Conferences
Day 7: 6th May- Dismantle
Day 8: 7th May- Extension
Day 9: 8th May- Return 1150 hrs

Flying on the night of 30th April and back on the morning of 8th May. I am only going to extend for a night since I will be alone roaming around. Am choosing hotel now.. Eliminated so many and down to last 3, 5 star hotel of course. haha. I am tempted to choose Rendezvous because of the toilet! hahahaha...

Extending a night = SGD $220

Truth

2011-03-10T21:28:00.001+08:00

I really hate to lie. It makes me very uneasy and unhappy. Lying is an endless pit. 挖洞补洞, 挖洞补洞.New experience, new scenario ad definitely will get me to the next level. I need to know everything inside out. So that I can protect everyone and myself. Guess no one will mind knowing the truth right?

tears welled up

2011-03-08T13:53:00.002+08:00

What Are Words

Chris Medina - What Are Words
Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

people

2011-03-04T04:48:00.004+08:00

realizing what is going on makes me realised how simple i was/am. interesting.

with so much going on, it got me to be even more focused.

having so many buddies, sisters and brothers around, i am really blessed.

still the same, director first.

and i really dislike the sight of you, your presence, your replies, your thoughts, your everything. you just make me want to stay away from you, far far away. its rare for me to dislike people, you are the first. congrats on being the first.

i am not a very calculative person, i dont mind giving. but dont dont appreciate and take me for granted. just like anyone else, i have a limit. enough is enough.

running in circles

2011-03-02T15:18:00.001+08:00

Life is really complicating.

Men and women are even more complicated.

Hidden truth, the more you cover up, the more I know something is amiss.

I hope I still have the control over the entire situation.

I will continue playing and I will keep reminding myself not to fall into your trap.

The chances are really slim.

No point pinning my hopes there.

whatever.

2011-03-01T11:52:00.003+08:00

I have been a little imba since yesterday, made my first step already.

The rest are all in Yishun, should find a day to go back and clear.

3 years 2 months exactly already. Time flies.

Finally I have made up my decision to face reality : /

Whenever I'm too quiet on social networks, that means I don't know what I want. I don't know what to say and I want to be on low profile for awhile to think thoroughly. Quiet there, means updates here. haha.

DIRECTORSHIP!!!

It is occupying my heart, brain and mind the whole day!!!

I need to get out of Singapore very badly. 16 days more to bkk. April nowhere. May cheratin. June - Sept nowhere. Oct Shanghai. Nov - Dec nowhere. I want to head over to Vietnam, Taiwan and Hong Kong.

once and for all

2011-02-28T03:04:00.003+08:00

Kept hearing updates about you. A part of me wants to hear it, a part of me just want to stay away. Hearing what you are going through before and currently, I do sympathise you. Really, is that karma? You chose the path you are leading now and I hope you are really happy. Back then, you could let go, gradually, and now you couldn’t. You even asked me how to. Letting go isn’t a entirely bad thing, you should hold on to the right thing/person. I am glad that I stood very firmly.

Don’t let the people around you suffer anymore. You should have woken up from your dream a long time ago. Don't be selfish, reshuffle your priorities, I left for a reason. You are definitely a boyfriend quality but still not a husband quality. Even after so long, people are still asking about you. Asking if we will ever be together again, I said no, chances are slim. You still wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted, that little something I really wanted.

I did move on, but frankly, not entirely. Whenever I fall sick, I really miss you. The only time I miss you though. Haha. When I needed you the most, you weren’t there and it didn’t impact you as much as it did on me but why a second time? Disappointing, really.

You left good memories, a deep impression, nonetheless, a scar too. I didn’t know how to move on for awhile and I chose to avoid. Clubbing, pubbing, traveling, new relationships and etc. I gained my independence back. I gained myself back. I have changed and grew so much in this period. Though it always take me a long while to know what I am really feeling, I am still glad it is all not too late yet. I don't wish to be trapped in your shadow anymore. That incident, I have learnt and am still trying my very best to overcome it.

The memories are sweet but still haunting at times.

I should be fair to myself. I should love myself even more. I should be fair to my future. I’m erasing you. Erasing you is a tough process, I finally admitted because after so long then I have decided to do something. Grrrrrr. We have gone through pretty much before. Pillows, the common blog, photos, gifts and etc. should have been gone a long time ago, together with facebook. Can someone help me to chuck them away? Haha.

DTG

2011-02-27T13:28:00.000+08:00

Attended DGT yesterday, god, its good and awesome.
Achieving it has never felt so real.
Knowing why has never been that clear.
Gonna start doing things and making it come true!!

Huiyi attended MTG by Jason and she felt it was good too!
Both of us will definitely do our best to make our dreams and wants come true!

wohoooO! finally done a nice one :)

2011-01-23T05:03:00.000+08:00

Bought the Cheongsam Xiao Zhao bought for CNY :)

Must continue to jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!

Family bonding

2011-01-22T01:46:00.003+08:00

Had the most awful reunion dinner tonight. Food was sucky. Didn't enjoy the food at all but it was nice seeing my entire family. Since tonight is a family night, I missed supper to go Titanium to bond. Haha. Dad came along because he wants to experience our kind of chilling/clubbing. 6 of us and we opened two bottles of Martell. Damages is extensive man! Haha. Ah han came too. Not bad quite a nice place. Glad that only guys above 23 can enter. No underage acts around. Gonna head home earlier, say 2.30am so that I can wake up on time tmr...

Oh ya. SEE family Bkk trip is confirmed.sister booked the tickets today. 17 march to 20 march. Gonna shop like crazy!!!! Finally can go over to Bkk to meet my fellow TMAP-EM colleagues :)

Quite an enjoyable night spent with my family!

Smiles

2011-01-21T17:33:00.002+08:00

i am a very good actress!!!

I am surprised at how normal I can be when I am close and/or talking to you.
Though I hardly see or really keep in contact with you, at the very least, whenever we see each other, we talk a little. Doesn't matter if you do know or not because I like the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you make me laugh.

Nonchalant i may seem to be but I do feel a little. the little happiness just like that... Keeping the way it is now because we aren't each other priorities and I have things to achieve now :)

and maybe we are both just too afraid..

differences!

2011-01-20T17:33:00.002+08:00

OMG!!!
i guess this looks more convincing that i have lost weight. hahahahahahahhahahaa

a better figure finally

2011-01-19T15:06:00.005+08:00

haha.. took me great courage to post this up ok!! FAT woman i was....

Started LFI- Wellness Sanctuary Program on 23rd Dec 2010

and on 16 Jan 2011, I lost 3-4kg!

Tummy is visibly smaller :) HAPPY!!
Another 4kg to go!! Must keep up the good work, no leeway for complacency!

"best" friends?

2011-01-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

"Best relationship? It's when you both know you're in love with each other yet you stay friends."

Saw this on Rox’s fb status.

Contradicting isn’t it? Are they not strong/brave enough to go through the rocky road and end up not being able to even be friends?

On another hand…

Why is it that the mouth doesn't want to say, the actions aren’t obvious enough and have to continue guessing?

Uncle says within first half of the year but I believe I have the full control.

They advised not to say anything until being asked.

Im still afraid but I still want to make a break through.

you

2011-01-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

3 weeks already, small actions kept me thinking.

Tough process, sweet success

2011-01-14T12:48:00.000+08:00

No matter how tough things are now, I will press on. Because I will only get stronger and stronger. What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. I just got to do what I need to do and do my best. My belief, faith and dreams will pull me through!!!!

The story of the boy and star fish.
The story of life and environment.

I will brave thru storms and hurricanes!

I hope

2011-01-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

Deep inside me, I hope that it's coming true..

better now

2011-01-13T14:58:00.003+08:00

3 weeks since my weight management programme has started. Not too bad. Quite an experience I would say, trying to balance off as this season is the makan season.

Should have lost 3kg by now.. 1kg a week, I must attain my target!

I have been feeling happier these days, time are used more wisely and did a few breakthrough. Cleared some of the mental barriers.

Approached some of the directors and really am learning more from them. Jegan, TEK, Moo, Cheng Wen, Melissa and etc. I’m blessed. The positive environment really makes me comfortable and happy and I just want to catch up with them. End of year target, SSD and it is damn possible! Fighting hard for my Cherating and my Shanghai trip! I don't want to miss out the fun!

The feeling I have is really doubtful. 50-50, am I guessing it right? Went to Uncle Stephen for my eight characters reading. Not bad, quite accurate. I do hope the passing cloud isn’t him. Haha.

Closing moment: a tight hug and whispered into ear…..

the right treatment and attitude

2011-01-04T02:51:00.001+08:00

I can feel the coldness and of course I know the reason behind it.

"Whatever you are, have and will be... You Deserve It!" - Muralee Reddy

I looked back at 2010 countdown photos, many memories flashback and I got many feelings/thoughts linked up. It is a good thing and I know I must start realising things earlier. I cannot just absorb something and throw it at out of my head after a few days.

Selecting people? think again, "Everyone Matters" - Kelvin Lee

"Don't tell me what you have got done, tell me what you have achieved." - Jason Chia

Ultimately, everyone is just waiting for results because that is the most determining factor and not forgetting enjoying every single phase of the process.

Lesser fun, lesser sleep for more experiences and growth. I know they are worthy.

2011-01-01T06:06:00.000+08:00

Today marks day one of 2011. Even though this has been repeated countless qtime, I am still gonna say it again. Time really flies and it waits for no one. I had an interesting 2010. a year that started changing and shaping my life. My thinking, attitude and lifestyle changed. I started thinking more long term. I got to know many kind hearted souls. Always ready to be there for me. Catching and guiding me when I fall. I must not hold back anymore. No more reservation. No more excuses. No more laziness. Time is passing by just too quickly, I can't afford to waste any of it anymore.

Change

2010-12-27T06:39:00.000+08:00

I have learnt to let go. Letting go of some people whom no longer places me as one of their priorities and letting go of the grudges I have been bearing for the past few years. Everyone deserves a second chance and nobody should judge anyone.

done, moving on...

2010-12-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

I guess I have done my part and there is not much for me to do anymore.
In the past, when you were always the one giving, I always felt the guilt.
Now that we have both switched roles and I have been trying hard to give for the past year, I dont know what else I can/need to do for you to reciprocate and go back to what we used to be.

I have always kept those memories close to my heart because you were there when I needed you the most.

But I know, if it doesn't mean anything to you anymore, it is time for me to let go too...

Change

2010-10-21T02:11:00.000+08:00

This is e first time I missed you this much after so long. The same thing happened 5yrs ago but I wasn't alone. Well, time to encounter this myself. Moving on to a new level. Why can't they simply understand that everyone is different and they can't possibly instill their thinking into mine. Esp when I have such a strong personality. Hopefully things will turn for e better :) moving to tpy in a few days. Time to settle myself n b organized. Maybe it's a good choice to have a mum staying w me..

again?

2010-10-14T15:02:00.001+08:00

I am having second thoughts on a lot of stuff. Did some reflections, had the same thinking over and over again. Things may look fine, easy and nothing critical but the actual fact is, if it isn’t solved, it will always be there. I have somehow came up with a decision but it is not yet finalized. Going to speak to some of them first, hoping that I wouldn't cause any inconveniences to anyone.

DISGUSTED

2010-10-01T01:00:00.004+08:00

OMG! Spot the difference! 7kg!!!!

I am very determined to lose at least 5kg before my birthday 2010!

2 months to work on!

The most disgusting fact is that I only notice the impact until today...

life

2010-09-29T17:00:00.002+08:00

1. Please stop coming back to my life, directly or indirectly. Stop haunting me.
2. Every time I talk to you, I will end up losing my cool.
3. I really see the differences between guys in their late twenties/thirties and early twenties.
4. 做人难，做好人更难！
5. Am I really such a lousy person?

arghhhh

2010-09-27T15:43:00.000+08:00

1. I don't like pretending to be the same when things no longer are the same. I hate pretence. It’s so hard to figure out human minds. The good, the bad, the kind and the devil. You are the angel, you are also the devil.

2. I can’t seem to be myself after awhile. I am still myself but others start to change.

3. dont treat me so well on the surface but stab me in the back when i least expected it please. im still human afterall, i have feelings and i have a weak side too..

4. you still didnt change over the years.

Ps. Don't have to read too much into it because these points are not inter-linked. Arghh. Tough time don't last but tough men do!

recap

2010-09-14T16:15:00.002+08:00

Life is a series of turbulence and it is the reason why life is interesting and fun. I like looking back and recalling those harsh and helpless days when I cry myself to sleep. Loads of sentiments will come to mind and reminding me that I’m lucky that it has happened, I have overcame it and am stronger than before. I dare not ask for more from life because I haven’t even done my best with what I have. Every second is passing me by and I’m not using it wisely. I need the discipline to get everything in place and in a better situation.

The ultimate challenge isn’t with the outside world but with myself. I have a lot more to learn, to prove and to accomplish.

so girlie... haha. im gonna lose those chubby cheeks! :p

Trust and Faith

2010-08-17T11:41:00.000+08:00

I knocked out at 10.45pm without doing my assignment. Screwed. Now I’m so sleepy after taking the medicine. I hope my voice don't lose me..

Have the trust in me that I wouldn't leave you. Have the trust in me that I would be there. Have the faith in me that we will go through everything together.

And... Happy birthday to my dearest sister :) all the best and may you get married soon... dun come home and snatch bed with me please.... haha.

bugger

2010-08-16T17:15:00.002+08:00

Bloody. Im sick still, worse now. flu, cough and sore throat. Got to go home early tonight to rest and pay a visit to the company's doctor before the killer fever comes. Still got to work on my assignment. Tonight I must complete half of it so that I can rest mind rest on tomorrow :) I feel bad for not being there for my team and not doing my part these 3 days. Fatigue got over me but I will be back stronger!

The hardest skill to master is the human communication skill. Everyone is so different, theory don't teach you enough. You got to experience and learn from it :)

our group of sisters at Batam :)

Quick update: bro bought iPhone4 and passed me his iPhone. Im using it already. Now im part of the iPhone gang yo. Haha.

eggcited!

2010-08-16T11:56:00.000+08:00

Haha. Fated. All to be achieved within these two months, Aug & Sept. Last Friday, new plans were announced and I bloody capitalize on it before I regret big time later.

But before everything, I better get my life in place. I need to instill a hell lot of discipline into my routine.

Assignment dueing this Friday and not even quarterly done.
Driving test this Sept 23rd and not even gone for a revision.
Job probation ends on Sept 6th.

Less of facebook, msn, surfing and whatever not that can be done after Sept.

Oh btw, batam with SS21 was damn shiok! Updates on that soon :)

busy beeeee

2010-08-12T19:56:00.001+08:00

I lost the ring, unintentionally. Guess it's a hint to for me to move on TOTALLY. No excuse for me to push my coward-ness to the ring. Haha. Whatever had happened is fine, what kills is the memories. I need to put away many stuff and focus on my goals. I wouldn't say that Im not getting attached but not for the moment. Not until I’m done with school, driving license, stablise my job and hit my directorship. Clean cut, the above mentioned MUST be attained within these 2 months.

我很忙！

2010-07-27T11:33:00.002+08:00

我没有时间写blog啊！

lovely sisters :)

2010-07-06T16:54:00.002+08:00

pretty hor!

woah... its july yo!

2010-07-06T16:49:00.001+08:00

Since there is some free time in office, I better update my hardly alive blog. Time flies is really an understatement, it should be, time disappears! Omg. July is here and half a year has gone! My goals needs to be modified a little. Work doesn’t permit me to take leave until the end of September. Recapping on the past 6 months, many things have happened and I’m forced to up my level again.
Work has been rather good apart from the multiple systems I need to learn and master. People are friendly and as usual, im the nosiest in the whole department. Haha. I really need better time and financial management. Need to really start saving for my trips and recreations. Hehe. Upcoming plans!

July: last assignment to be submitted
August: to be confirmed
September: Driving lesson
October: Diving Cert
November: to be confirmed, maybe Hong Kong or Taiwan
December: Birthday celebration!

Approximately 90 days to starting the new phase. I have a higher target now, will work hard towards it! Though I am really tired now, I am really happy. I found my closet sisters and pals, people who loves and cares sincerely. I learnt so much from everyone, the team spirit, the common goal, the never say die mindset and so much more. We will always be there for one another, pushing and cheering each other on!

thankful :)

2010-06-04T07:11:00.005+08:00

In the middle of the night, where you can’t get to sleep, your thoughts will start running everywhere. I was reflecting on the past few months. Good and bad things happened and they all happened for a reason. I believe, everything we do, we learn and grow from it.

Whatever seems big now will definitely be minimized into something insignificant in time to come. Problems will always be problems but the consequences of the problems are due to the actions of our reactions. In other words, a negative reaction will lead to a negative response and vice versa, a positive reaction will lead to a more positive response.

April was pretty sucky but I had more time to sort my thinking and directions. May was good, blessed and guided by many. And I have many to thanks. I will thank them personally. A very good learning experience in these months, passed effort did not go down the drain.

Level 1, Regular Monster conquered. Time to conquer level 2, the Regional Demon!! By end of 2010, I must conquer level 3, Superior Regional Demon! Nothing is easy and nothing is guaranteed. Anyway, Got Try Got Chance, No Try No Chance.

June will be again another hectic but a very fun month, with work starting, assignment due date, driving license and targets. I will need very good time management!!

Jiayou everyone, lets go overseas together :)

jiayous!

2010-05-26T22:21:00.008+08:00

Again, haven’t been updating. Haha. I have been busy with so many things, attended quite a number of events.

1. last day of work
2. movies sessions
3. gatherings
4. flora’s ROM
5. birthdays
6. and etc.

I thought I will have more time to tidy my room and pack my stuff after my last day of work. But no, I don’t even have sufficient time to sleep. My family gonna scream at me big time! But well, my time has been used wisely.

This month is better than April, so much better I should say. The ups and downs in life, makes you stronger. This is the month I hit my status, my first step to moving up. I must hit it no matter what, too many things worth fighting for.

I don’t wanna fail myself again. Jiayou everyone! lets go overseas together!!

gonna post up photos soon... teeeheeeeheee

updates

2010-05-17T14:30:00.000+08:00

Hello! Haven’t been updating for awhile, I am sick again. It has been dragging for awhile already. Talking is becoming a hassle, sore throat, cough and phlegm. I am on MC today, cannot take it. Friday was worst but had to force myself to go to work because the delegate pack has to be sent for print. Going to the doctor to get MC later, last 4 days of work and I am on MC. HAHA.

Another update would be, I am employed! I will only be starting on the 7th of June, 2 weeks of break after my last day at DCS. This is so irritating! I will only get calls to go for good interviews every time I have signed the appointment letter. Its too late la! NTUC has asked me to go for an interview. General Electric has offered me a position. Well, on a positive note, I am happy with what John Wiley and Son is offering me la. Dug out some info from the recruiter, he says my position which has six vacancies, I am the youngest. The next youngest is 26 year old. Haha. I don’t know what to expect already. Too early to say anything about the job.

After a catch up dinner with short Kenny yesterday, went back to office to pack some stuff home. 2 big bags! Now I’m only left with 2 pillows and 1 winter jacket to bring home. The feeling of leaving isn’t very good to be honest.

2 weeks to end of May! Jiayou! No time to waste :) I am super excited!

Happy Birthday Papa

2010-05-11T16:53:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!!

Thank you and I love you very much! Hope you did enjoy your birthday celebration on Saturday! I will definitely give you a better life very soon, give me maximum 2 years!! Look forward to 12th June, you will see me on stage :)

This morning Flora sent me an email saying that she has accepted the job offer from Crabtree and Evelyn, Im so happy for her. Finally she gets something she likes and its near her home! She doesn’t have to drag her feet to work anymore. On my side, just after lunch, Kelly Services called me to confirm the good news! John Wiley and Son is offering me the position! YAY! Long-awaited, I like! The feeling is exceptionally good, finally I can look forward to a life which isn’t so cash strapped! I am starting on 7th June and she is starting on the 9th of June! Both companies provide very good welfare and employee benefits! our lives started changing after we both left Toyota, it hasn’t been a smooth route but at least, we both are moving on well now.

To Be Continued....

buggers!

2010-05-10T12:06:00.000+08:00

Why waste my time to surf the internet during office hour? Release me early so I can do my stuff la! oh my god. Im like msning, facebooking, twittering, blogging and whatever not in the office. I don’t like the feeling of having nothing to do. I just wish to get out asap, I am super frustrated at them for going back on their words so many times! Looks good on the outside but mouldy and rotten in the inside.

Happiness

2010-05-05T15:54:00.000+08:00

I am super happy!! Finally hearing good news after a series of depressing events.

1. 2nd round interview with John Wiley and Son for their Conferences and Exhibitions Coordinator position. John Wiley and Son is one of the biggest publication companies from the US. I am very excited! 2 interviewers interviewing me tomorrow, make me remember my interview with Toyota 3 years ago. Anxious cum excitement. I hope all goes well!

2. The university has finally gotten back to me regarding the assignment 2 issue. Wohooo. I don’t have to remodule and I can resubmit my assignment. I have already completed and passed assignment 1 and written paper so once my assignment 2 gets through, I am done with this degree! I cannot wait to graduate!

3. Mass SEE family Mother’s day dinner this Saturday. It will be super fun, my entire paternal relatives coming together for dinner. The best thing is, mummy is joining us too! Awww.. Gonna purpose celebrating papa’s birthday on that day too!

4. I am lucky to get retrenched, a blessing in disguise. Not going to elaborate much on the reasons but I am happy and really, things happen for a reason!

5. Dinner yesterday was awesome, ex-colleagues from Toyota. Spoke, joked and laugh a lot! Thanks Ah Beng for buying us dinner at Crystal Jade! It was so good and filling!

6. Flora passed me her solemnisation invitation card yesterday. Time flies and she will be getting married on the 24th! So many friends are tying the knot, I should start fishing liaos. HAHAHA.

The law of attraction! Keep the good news coming pleaseeeeeeeee!

Remember

2010-05-05T12:36:00.000+08:00

Take care of your Thoughts because they become Words.

Take care of your Words because they will become Actions.

Take care of your Actions because they will become Habits.

Take care of your Habits because they will form your Character.

Take care of your Character because it will form your Destiny,

and your Destiny will be your Life

start from zero!

2010-05-04T16:29:00.001+08:00

Just did some calculations for my monthly expenses. Oh my god. Income – Liabilities & Necessity = NOTHING LEFT. Plus I will soon be jobless, no income plus accumulating liabilities, hmm. It’s time to fight hard and work smart already. Looking at this stresses me big time. Close to 10k of debts to clear, another 27 more months of payments. I am being tied down. I can’t risk as much as I want to!

Looking at the calendar, hmm, I have very good and high chances of going up stage this June! Why? Because, my official last working day would be on the 20th of May but my nice manager is willing to release me after 11th May. I don’t intend to start work immediately, I only want to start on my new job on 3rd June, I want to fight hard until the end and to play safe in case there is any extension. Time flexibility is on my side :)

I went for 3 interviews yesterday and 2 has gotten back to me already. I have turned one down because it is insurance and the other one, I am still contemplating. Ermmm.. Advises from my dear colleagues, don’t go into sales first, same sentiments! The 3rd one, job scope wise its good but salary would be damn low and need me to commit super long hours. To the extent of working even on vacations. Well, got to start looking for more suitable position and go for all the interviews. Ideal start work date, one month from now! This one month, I will be fighting damn hard for my status and income! Sisters and brothers, are you with me?

Anyway, met Lai Ting for lunch, she missed having lunch with me. haha. Both of us headed to Etude house as we didn’t feel like heading back to office straight after our happy food, yummy yoghurt. Got hooked at the nail polish section for a long time and I was her white mice. She painted my nails in different colours and I was enjoying it because the nail polish remover smells damn good, grapes! Haha.

no title

2010-05-03T00:47:00.001+08:00

It has been a tiring week and somehow I felt like I lost something apart from the departure of granny. It’s like I have lost my maternal relatives. Emotions, we must learn to control it and not let it take over us. Arguments, miscommunication, misunderstandings and etc can all be avoided if all of us can control their emotions, not losing our cool over something insignificant.

When people give comments, take them constructively and not personally. I don’t understand, why let your egoism and pride take over you? Well, I have done my part and I have no control over those issues. On my side, I have better communication with my cousins over the few days and nights we spent together.

I need to get things settled as soon as possible. I am tired and drained already. Will have to wake up at 6.30am to head to the temple to collect granny’s ashes. Then back to office to clear some work and get things done so I can smoothly leave the company on the 11th. I am somehow glad that I am opened to such an opportunity to find another job. Its like, without them forcing me to make a decision to either change department or leave the company, I would stay on in the company for awhile more, not progressing much and unhappy with the payout.

I hope May would be a smoother month. The most motivating factor which is my pushing force is getting out of Singapore asap. I need to get out for awhile, to anywhere. Seriously, it doesn’t matter where I go so long as I am exposed to new environment and away from the stressful environment.

It is gonna be a better week, better month and better time for me.

Cheerios,
ivyseeeee

Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

2010-05-01T16:59:00.000+08:00

I can relate to his stories, got me thinking quite a bit.

drop out of poly, got retrenched, granny's departure..

she has moved on...

2010-04-29T13:45:00.001+08:00

Granny has left and I have accepted it. She is now moving on to another phase and is free from the suffering and pain. I am glad that I did spend the night with her before she passed on. Frankly speaking, every time I pay her a visit, I have a lot of fear in me. I fear seeing her getting weaker and weaker. I fear seeing her body deteriorating so drastically. I fear the day coming.

She is a very strong lady, single-handedly brought up 10 children, being both a mother and a father to her children. She is very thrifty, she mends her clothes over and over again and reluctant to wear her new clothes. She fought hard with her illness and refused to give up, a warrior, a fighter. She felt so bad for not able to recover from her illness and that she brings a lot of inconveniences to the family. A very considerate, nice and strong woman, she earns a lot of respect.

Don’t worry people, I am fine, still manageable. Decided to head home last night to shower and rest, so that I can tahan till Sunday. I haven’t cried so much in a month for a long time already. So much has happened and I can see that the problems are subsiding and slowly having a solution. When things happen, the first thing you got to do is to have a positive mindset. Yes, easier said than done but give it a try, it helps.

Thank you for all your love and concern. I will be back, stronger. Remember, I haven’t given up fighting. Jiayous, press on and be positive.

Loves,
ivy

back to nonsense!

2010-04-26T09:45:00.002+08:00

I think my blog depresses people. All the sad entries and emotional thoughts. Haha.

And the most depressing thing I am facing now is, BREAKOUT! Sobs sobs sobs….
There was 2 nights I slept without removing my makeup. I know I deserve them a lot. Well, lesson learnt.

It is the beginning of a new week, a new start.
Smile and be happy, you will have a great week!

Anyway, I hope the below picture can make you smile a little.
The Best of Ivy! I know my market value will drop tremendously after posting this on blog and even facebook. hahahahaa.

your life lies in your hands

2010-04-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

I took a day off today to finally have a “ME” day. I am sorry for not replying your texts, answering your calls, not appearing on msn and facebook and etc. My phone is placed very far away from me and I don’t want to check it. I don’t think it’s a day wasted but a day treasured because I bombarded myself with many questions. I really need some time on my own. Too much has happened. I have cried, worried, panicked and I don’t really want to show this side of me to the world. Sometimes, I really wish to cry out loud but I can’t, I keep holding my tears back. It doesn’t feel very comfortable inside. How strong is strong?

I took today to stablise my thinking, my emotions and directions. Yes, one day might have been gone but its better than moving on with no directions for the next 1 month and more. Ever since my most doting paternal grandmother passed away, the fear of parting with kin has been deeply instilled in me. Whenever I look at her, I would repeat in my heart, please be strong, please be strong. But the contradiction is that, she is suffering. I fear the day coming, nurses and doctors have told us that, she only has these few days left.

When I called yesterday at 10pm after dinner with the clique, she could replied to me with her “hmm, erm.. ahhh”. I was really happy because when I was at the hospital those days, she couldn’t even project her voice out. At 1am, her condition worsens and requested to see everyone. I know that she is strong and holding on because my uncle’s wife and daughter would touch down Singapore today.

Frankly speaking, I know I haven’t been myself lately but I am trying my best to look normal and cheerful. I will be fine very soon. I will be strong and move on to achieve my goals. Right now, there is a lot to be done. I have to start sending my resume out already. For once, I really hope I strike lottery and clear the bank loan so I can focus full time. Haha.

2010-04-23T12:03:00.000+08:00

When I need motivation, I find motivational quotes online.
When I am unhappy, I watch hilarious videos online.
When I need to rant/whine/grumble, I blog.
The internet has subconsciously been a big part of my life.

BUT…. What if the internet cease to exist?!

No worries… Because when I need motivation, when I am unhappy and when I need to rant/whine/grumble, my friends are always there for me :)
We go through the good and the bad times together. Thank you lovers, very much appreciated! :)

afternoon visit

2010-04-22T16:16:00.003+08:00

Doctors allow grandma to go home because he wants her to be comfortable at her own place. Her days are really numbered. Aunties and uncles were busy preparing for her discharged; her special bed, her medications, her meals and so much more. On the brighter side, me being me, always the one disturbing. I went to her ears and said, “Ah Ma! Siao Char Bor lai liao!!” and when auntie asked if she can recognised me, she went.. “ii…iiii..” and seeing her trying so hard and putting so much effort to call out my name, I was so touched. I went, “Wah! So clever! Haha.” Observing her sleeping, my heart ached. Her breathing is so hard, she has to open her mouth to take more oxygen in as her lungs are pushed up and compressed because of her swelling stomach. She frowns when she sleeps, I guess she must be in so much pain.

weeee!

2010-04-22T11:54:00.002+08:00

Grandma can go home already!! Will visit her later during my lunch hour before she gets discharged!

2010-04-21T12:54:00.001+08:00

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you. – Bob Marley

Got the above from Joanne. I agree with it, be it guys or girls, just be yourself and show your emotions. Smile when happy, yell when angry and show your affections. It’s not easy to find that “perfect” one, so love hard and treasure well when you have found one and please communicate well! People always tell me, “aiya, seriously, I don’t know what is he/she thinking la. always so complicated!” The thing is, of course you wouldn’t know what they are thinking because you are not them. Guess once, you got it right but can you always get it correct? Communicate, dun assume and presume. There is nothing to be ashamed about! The key to success in all relationship is the word, communicate. So don’t belittle this word, it creates wonders.

Anyway, my phone is kinda back to normal. Its working! Im just hoping that it can tahan till 18th July… I wanna port my line over to Starhub because their iPhone price plans are more value for money. Here comes the question, more friends are using starhub or Singtel?!

I am always surprise at how fast I am back to normal after a rubbish emotional day. Am I really positive or choosing to be ignorant…? Hmmm. Have been feeling rather drained, physically and mentally. Shuttling between work, hospital, coy and home daily is tiring and it is not easy on my pocket too. Process Process Process! I just thought how ridiculous April can be. So much has happened beyond my control and I am still expecting more things to happen. Hitting the ultimate rock bottom and I am heading up very soon.

Spoke to some about my job, our reactions were the same! “Retrenched?! AGAIN!?! Woahhh! HAHAHAHA!” Guoxi laughed the loudest but gave one of the best “solutions”. Lol. Daryl made me realised and remember that, it’s how we look at things that matters. He said, “sekalli, later you walk out, kena bird-shit, suay also.” Then I replied, “no la, im quite positive one! Kena bird shit is lucky. haha”. Chengwen and Timo made me laugh like mad on Monday night, 11pm, normally they will only go crazy after 12am. My group of ladies-sisters have been constantly by my side giving me support :) This bunch of friends, I really love and appreciate them a lot.

Alamak! Just when I said my phone is working fine, it is restarting over and over again.. Grrr.. it must be this office!! I went out and tried on-ing it and it is working….. what is my phone trying to tell me? haha.

Okie. Lunch time soon, 1pm. Gonna go hospital to visit grandma… her condition isn’t looking good. She has to be fed through tube. That’s so painful, she is suffering so much!

thank you everyone :) loves

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2010-04-20T16:43:00.000+08:00

and ... ... ... ... guess what happen now ... ?
MY PHONE IS SPOILT!!!
April 2010 will be stuck in my mind for a long long while... Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Though im a free-thinker, I better go bai bai soon...

Happening April

2010-04-20T12:49:00.003+08:00

I thought February and March are shitty enough already but April is the shittiest of all.. work, grandma, maternal family and school.

I didn’t have the luxury of time to give it a thorough thought, this morning I made the final decision on the spot. I can’t go back on my choice anymore, I have no time for regrets and I can only move forward. I declined their “offer”, I don’t want to go into delegate sales acquisition. That isn’t what I want to do and I don’t want to waste Natasha’s time in teaching me and then me leaving after a month. So, my official last working day is on the 20th of May, I have got a month to secure a good job. 2nd time, I got to leave the company because they are cost-cutting, RETRENCHMENT! Can I get any luckier? Well, guess it happened for a reason.

Everyone moves on over time. I will miss the people a lot, one of the craziest bunch I have ever worked with. The drinking sessions, the poolside lunches, the garden chats, the smoking breaks, the bonding BBQ sessions and not forgetting, the overseas trips. I just can’t tolerate the fact that all my credits were converted into mistakes and inefficiencies when I am asked to make a choice; to change department or to leave. Boss just kept throwing criticisms at me. He loves playing mind games and I couldn’t be bothered to answer his questions because I would just get more confused. Vividly I remember, after every conferences, my manager would sing me praises, my colleagues from other department would said I did well, my sponsors and speakers would come back to me telling me how well our conference was and thanking me for the support. So aren’t all these contributions and recognitions? Just because of a mistake that snowballed and ended with me, I was made the scapegoat and he cancelled my Mumbai trip. Anyway, enough of work, working and being an employee sucks. I told myself not to cry over work anymore, one day is more than enough. Effort and time put in, no regrets, I did learn a lot here.

Yesterday was one of the worst day in 2010, so many things happened within a day. On and off, I cried from 10.30am to midnight 2am. My eyes were so mini and dry. Not just because of work, but also my grandmother. Seeing her in this state, I couldn’t held my tears back. It just flowed unconditionally. During lunch, I rushed to SGH to visit her and at 6pm, I got a call saying that she is much weaker as compared to afternoon. At 10pm, I received another call again, saying that grandma saw her mother. Sigh. I rushed to the hospital after settling my stuff in company and upon arriving, I saw so many tubes in her. She responded to me by opening her eyes and then shutting them again. She couldn’t talk nor see properly. Doctor said that she might go anytime, everyone is on standby mood. Everytime I look at her, I tear, I can’t imagine the pain she is going through. She used to be so strong and always calling me “Siao Char Bor”! Now she is just so weak and lying there in a half-coma state. I stayed until 2.15am, accompanying my uncles and aunties. Got chased home later because I got to work in the morning and uncle sent me home with his antique motorbike, nostalgic. Lol.

I hope the cousins and aunties can just stop directing at each other. I’m tired of all these shits. It is the time to be united as one and everyone is showing their colourful pattern! Don’t let emotions take over you! Grandma wouldn’t want to see her family like that, though she can’t talk nor see well. She can feel it!

Issues with school, I have done what I could over last week and this week. Now, I am just waiting for their decision. I’m crossing my fingers. I don’t want to re-module! 75% of us got penalised and I don’t want the school to make an easy decision basing that because there are so many of us, re-module would be the best for everyone.

Every night before I sleep, so much went through my head, but I am too tired to rationalised them. Thank you guys for your concern, I don’t want to repeat the same thing over and over again and then keep tearing, that’s why I directed you to my blog. Haha. Don’t worry, I am still going strong. I love you all. Every encouragement each of you have given me, makes a lot of differences. Guys, I am still fighting hard, not giving up. You guys keep on fighting please! Lovessss.

grrrr....

2010-04-19T15:11:00.000+08:00

I have a lot to say, drafted quite a bit but reluctant to post.
Things are turning away from my direction? If only I can control the whole situation.
Nonetheless, life goes on!

still, i love my orange towlels

no more nonsense, IVY SEE

2010-04-05T03:08:00.000+08:00

Monday is here. No more nonsense. April is it. Start of the war.
I can feel it coming. All the hard work for the past few months will be paid off.
People can do it, so can I.
It is not that difficult. Just do it and it will surely come.

Looking at them fighting and getting their desired results. I feel really happy for them.
And now, I don’t want to be the one feeling happy for others. I want others to be feeling happy for me!

Even if I have to go Mumbai on the second week of April, I still won’t lose hope.
Everything happens for a good reason.

changed and fine-tuned

2010-04-04T03:47:00.001+08:00

Just made a decision today. I have decided to not participate in this year’s premier league. My first year of not playing after playing it since I was 15. Guess that will be the same for floorball. Frankly, I don’t feel much reluctance nor pain. The significance of playing hockey and floorball just creased. Guess the saying is right, passion will be overwhelmed by practical Singapore's lifestyle and causing it to die after a while. Or rather, my passion wasn’t that strong to begin with. In the past, Kai Bin was also in the national team, I wanted to match up to him. That was the actual reason why I wanted to be in the team so much. I held on also because of egoism because I wanted to prove that I am capable too. I wanted to be in the same line as my peers. Now there is nothing and no need to prove anymore. Out of the National team, out of glory and definitely out of the race. Prioritizing, hockey and floorball are just recreational sports.

There is something else to prove, something more magnificent awaiting for me. Time is very limited, I need to use it very wisely.

I just watched two movies, yesterday and today. I felt better. The best entertainment you can get in Singapore without burning a hole in your pocket. And all you got to do is to sit there and relax for 90mins. Relaxed already, spoke to many already, know what to do already, its only left with MYSELF.

Anything not involving family, school, work and goals, I will leave it until I attain RM :)

Upcoming for April- School Assignment 2 hearing, TBC, Mumbai Conference.

April- I will give it all

2010-04-04T03:20:00.003+08:00

B- Be very focused. Don't fail your Egoism.

F- Be prepared to get tired and rejections. Believe that you can do it. No tiredness and negativity. And you really want it.

H- Keep thinking of what to do next to achieve. Write a reason of why this month and none other months. Keep reminding of yourself how near you are away. Remember to monitor your progress.

J1- I just knew I was going to hit and I fought all the way. Don’t think, just do it.

J2- I just fucking want it. It’s about fighting all the way till the end. A lot of your peers did it. created miracles. Believe in yourself that you can do it and ask yourself again why are you here.

J3- Not to give up no matter how bleak the circumstances are. Fight to the last bit. No such thing as preparing for next month. Just keep fighting.

K1- Didn’t think much, just did what was told. Just do it. Make it or break it. Do or Die.

K2- Everyone counts.

And I know very well that, no matter how many people I speak to; how motivating their reasons and thinking are, it will have no effects on me if I don't tune my mindset. I know what I should do :) See me floooooor...

my wants?

2010-04-03T04:16:00.001+08:00

what do i really want?
why do i really want it?
when do i really want them?

when am i gonna stop procrastinating and start fighting for it?
step by step, i will surely reach there but when will that be?

i am an egoistic individual. i like people praising me. i dont like losing.
i am very strong-headed. i like proving people wrong.

thats me but nowadays, im not behaving this way. i need my drive back.

April is here and there shouldnt be any excuses to slack anymore.

School- Final Lap

2010-04-01T21:06:00.004+08:00

Assignment 1 and written paper, PASSED. i had expected the worst for written paper, lucky! Now is just waiting for the hearing for assignment 2. Going to propose to them to let me modify my assignment. Once I finish this modification, I am pretty sure that I am done with my degree. It would be hundred thousand times so sucky if I have to redo the entire module. From what I have heard, many other students also got the penalty. So…. It would be stupid to make everyone redo the module.

revived

2010-04-01T20:25:00.000+08:00

New blogskin and more updates, I am back to blogging.

Reason number 1, to whine and vent my frustrations.
Reason number 2, I wanna have something to read back on my past
Reason number 3, clearer head after writing down my thoughts.

It doesn’t matter who is reading because people generally behave differently on and off cyberspace.

thoughts

2010-03-31T18:06:00.000+08:00

When I have a lot of things on hand, I tend to think a lot.
I know my capabilities and I know I can achieve them, but what matters most is, how much do I want them.
I have the urge to go back to my area and replenish my energy.
I am tired and super drained.

Over the years, I lost the bullish me. I am no longer that strong-headed.
I tend to be very lenient with myself and my expectations for others.
The once very ambitious me have now turned into someone very cowardly.

I bloody got to prioritise. Giving up is not an option because when I give up on something, I take new responsibilities up.
A part of me have been missing for a long time.
But I cannot seem to be able to find that missing piece to feel completed.

Frankly, I’m no longer afraid of myself changing into someone else because that will happen, just sooner or later.
I wanna test myself.
Testing myself to see if I can take the pressure and remain being the same person.

Every 2 days, someone will definitely ask me the same question.
Same reason/excuse would be given.
My benchmark, guess I’m just fussy.